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deuZige
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Posted Thu Jun 18, 2020 3:34 am

deuZige wrote:
Thu Jun 18, 2020 3:19 am
Hi there.

I read Bulldust's long post just now and the response of Shot97, about your dad,

And about the problem you've been experiencing with how and by whom the history of the Amiga is being voiced in video's (i'm assuming on YT).

It hit me in the feels, and (to use a popular term these days) i was triggered.

First of all let me say i'm sorry to hear your dad has passed away.

I've lost mine more than a decade ago but i still miss him every day.

He was the one who got me my first computer ever for my birthday, which lead to my infection with the Commodore virus that lasted over 15 years, and leapt from the vic20 to the c16, the c64 and the Amiga.

On my 7th birthday when i got my Vic-20 my destiny, personality and pretty much my whole future would largely be shaped by that machine and its successors.

Who i am now, who i've been since that day in March 1981, despite the misery, grief, sorrow and despair that life threw at me over the past decade. i am alive and stubbornly defiant, because of the Commodores... especially the love of my life, my girlfriend, my Amiga.

One thing that was formed in those early days and which i am trying so hard to pass on to my son is my philosophy of learning things the hard way, as i call it.

Back then there were no manuals in my language, and i didn't speak any of the languages that the manual came in (English and Japanese if i remember correctly) so the only way i could learn how to get the thing to do something was by typing in the commands that were printed in capitals in the book and see what happened. Then try to figure out why most of the times nothing happened or an error message came up.

There was no internet back then so asking other v20 owners for advice or learning from them wasn't an option. I think i was the only one i knew who had a computer at home for the better part of 3 years.

Thinking about those days, and the absolute rage felt when stubbornly typing (with 2 fingers, eyes going from book to keyboard and back every command or parameter of the code) over 5 pages of BASIC from the book resulted in "SYNTAX ERROR" makes my eyes moist to this day.

The memory of the absolute and never surpassed joy and gratification (ecstacy i dare say) i felt later when hours upon hours of stubborn refusal to admit defeat, checking every single character in the program lead me to discover a ; was printed in the manual which should have been a : and finally rewarded me with a running program after typing RUN [RETURN]!!!!

Oh my god, i didn't know it at the time, but it was the closest thing i ever came to an orgasm before i had any notion that my penis could do more than pee!!!!!

From then on i quickly expanded my 'experiments' from simply copying BASIC code from paper into figuring out how to write my own programs "and beyond" and my life was a happy one. March 23rd 1984 came and my dad gave me a new computer for my birthday.

Turns out he was scammed by the guy he bought it from cause he gave me a C16, and not the C64 i had asked for. That C16 lasted for about a week before it was replaced by the C64 it should have been in the first place. (how that replacing went, i learned much much later, was a story on its own but i'll not go into that one now)

That C64 blew my mind and guaranteed i would spend 90% of the time i wasn't in school staring at a color tv banging away at those gloriously brown colored keys. I had become member of the HCC Commodore users group by that time and once a month we'd gather in the school's aula with our computers and exchange eerm... experiences??

Who am i kidding? We copied single byte from each other we didn't already have! At first we copied cassette tapes, on which the software was stored, using boomboxes with double decks! Can you imagine? Press play on one tapedeck and record on the other deck (turn off the volume ofcourse) and then wayt until "CLICK" announced the copy was done....

Oh my goodness, the memories.... Imagine how awesome it was for us when we got ourselves the first 1541's!!! Those once a month gatherings soon became once a week and that exchanging of "experiences" grew into copying as much 5,25" floppy disks as we could manage in 5 hours time!

First single sided, but someone had the genius idea of cutting a notch in the side of the floppy disk so we could flip it and use the other side... doubling the capacity!! oh frack yeah we felt like bad ass hackers i can tell you!!! (we called ourselves crackers, i think)

By then i was deep and completely into (and part of it's dna) the crackscene. The breaking of the copy protection wasn't what motivated us though, contrary to popular belief and most 'historical' articles out there.

Those protections were ridiculously simple and took no more than minutes to take out but what was important to us was the demo or intro that we made and attached to the "release" and being the first to release our crack so it would be the one that everyone else would see on their screens as they started their copy of the game!

We weren't even consciously aware of the fact we were breaking laws (if there even were laws at all. In my country pirating software wasn't illegal until April 10th 2014!!!!)

I was part of the proto demoscene people, "Syntax Error Soft" hanging with groups like "The final Solution" and others in Brabant, a province of the Netherlands....

We were competing with groups like Red Sector, Razor 2992 (yes, the renamed it to 1911 (#777) later), TriStar, Fairlight, Paradox and other "legends" of the scene.

Back then i didn't realize that what we did back then would last more than a few weeks (a few releases later), and was laughing when some guys were talking about our "scene"!!

It turned out we started something that lasts to this day and who knows how long into the future!!

And yes, i admit it, i do feel proud when i think about that, and my ego LOVES every single time i hear/read/think about anything about the demoscene, the warez scene or the pirate scene! Maybe more than i should.... but still, i was there from the start, i was part of it for decades and i still feel some degree of ownership too!

I think you can tell that those days on the C64 were some of the best of my childhood, and i loved every second of it. But as much as i loved the c64 and how much it shaped my life i can honestly say that when the Amiga came i experienced the biggest nerdgasm of my life!

Never has my mind been blown so hard and completely as the moment i met my girlfriend, the Amiga 500! No 64Kb, no cheap synthy mono soundchip sounds, no 80 characters or 16 colors....

The Amiga 500 had 512Kb ram!!!
It had 4 8bit channels of stereo sound up to 28 Khz!!!
It had a resolution of 736×567
it could display 4096 colors on the screen
out of a pallet of 16,8 million colors!!!!!
And the processor clocked in at an unbelievable 7,09Mhz!!!!!

I literally stared stunned and openmouthed in shock and awe from the first second through to the end of the demo that ran when i booted up my girlfriend for the first time!!!

She was, like those before her, a birthday gift (a little late, it was may 1987) that my dad gave to me, and though i thought it impossible before then, she had even more of an impact on me and my life than the v20 and the C64 ever had.

She was my first true and unconditional love of my life and i love her still and i shall do so till the day i die!

I stayed with "the scene" ofcourse, which gradually moved to follow me over time, and i slowly became "one of those" as the PC's began to move from book keeping spreadsheet boxes no one could afford to computers "Real" computer enthousiasts used for work AND fun.

I never stopped fighting the war against the IBM Compatible menace, and fanatically attacked anyone who dared say anything that resembled trash about my girl when all my friends had long since surrendered and submitted to the 80386 or even the 486's.

Turned out it took something completely un-technological and outside of my life experience to rip me away from my girlfriend. It turned out to be MDMA and Hardcore Gabber House and it took me years, enormous amounts of money, and a lot of hard learned lessons before i was able to regain control of my life and merge that Gabber life and my computergeek life into my IT-Specialist career life.

I sold my Amiga 500 back in 1996, and though i still loved the Amiga i never did get myself another one.

I too had become #PCMR, and i still am i suppose. I stopped coding waaaaaay back in 1991, just before i naively dove into the Gabber scene, and i never did get back into coding or developing. I became one of the many, an IT Support Specialist 60-70 hours a week and 'pirating' gamer for the rest of the time except for Saturdays.... that was when i was a Gabber.

That was a good life, and a reasonably happy life, that lasted until 2008.

That year i went to an event called LanCamp. A vacation of 11 days, in an army tent with my friends, hooked up on a LAN to gamerz in other tents spread over a large terrain and... well, you know what lanparties are....

There i met a girl, i fell in love (notice i did not say "We"!) and a few months later we got married.
Another few months later my son was born which was another 5 months before i shockingly found myself to be a single dad of a 6 month old baby with a full time job and huge amounts of debt even 80 hours a week of hard work couldn't keep up with.

I did surprisingly well though for a good 5 and a half years and me and my son lived a good life, and my son was growing into a good, healthy, smart and pretty awesome kid.

This didn't stop child protective services from taking him away from me though. After i lost my job (economic crisis) and lost the fight against debt they had enough to convince a judge i could not provide my son with what was needed to grow up and develop and.....

well....

that is kind of off topic really.

Summarizing lets just say he was placed in a foster family and i see him once a week for 7 hours.

The rest of the time i just spend being an unemployed pauper wasting away my life behind my "battlestation" so my mind hasn't got time to think about my life, waiting until the moment i see my son again. pathetic, i know....

But anyway, from 1987 through till 1996 i lived with my life centered around my girlfriend, the Commodore Amiga!

Right now i can clearly hear Brian Adams's guitar and his voice "Those were the BEST days of my liiiiiiiiiife!"!

And though it's a struggle sometimes, with my son living with an anti-computer 60 year old who only allows him 1 hour per day at a computer and that computer being a Macbook to boot (aaarrgh!!!) i do feel that in the years i got with him i was successful in teaching him the raw fundamental basics of what i wanted to teach him.

Even though there was a high end gaming computer in dad's room i did not let him play the latest games or get familiar with Windows (don't you dare mention the word console!! lol!) until he entered RUN [ENTER] in the c64 emulator without getting SYNTAX ERROR instead of a spinning wireframe sphere. I think that with that, at least, i gave him an important skill and a piece of mentality that he'll benefit from in life.

When he's with me he loves to play games with me, and he streams it live onto youtube, twitch and 4 other platforms. It gives me so much joy to share that with him, and see the joy he has doing it with me that it almost.... almost... feels like enough to carry me over another week without him, without work and without a future. The rest of the strength and energy it takes to get through my life until i see my son again though it truly is the memories of the 11 years of my life that i spend with my girl, my Amiga life!

So reading your post about your dad, your love for the Amiga and how you stepped up in defense of her memory and legacy made me feel good. It is good to know that some of "ÿou kids" do know the history that gave you the internet, gaming, multimedia and well... Computer and game technology today.

That is why i decided to write this reply, and though i have to admit it's a bit longer than i intended and the thing i wanted to reply isn't even in it yet i feel good having written all of this.

So what i wanted to reply?

Thank you! Thank you for loving the Amiga, thank you for keeping her memory alive, thank you for defending her legacy and thank you for doing what, and being who, what would make your dad proud! I'm sure that even if he'd hater everything else about your life, this.... this would make him smile, well up with love and glow with pride. I know that if my kid ends up with a little bit of this when he's at your age, i would.

TL;DR: Thanks! <3





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